challenging yourself vs accepting yourself

something i've been interested in recently is the balance between accepting yourself and challenging yourself. maybe we could think of it like a spectrum.

on one extreme, you have accepting yourself in a kind of opium-like way. telling yourself it's ok, focusing on the positive.

closer to the middle, there's a "self-acceptance" that observes that your wants and fears are just carrots and sticks on the treadmill. if you're "motivated" by something, to ask what's the nature of the thing that's driving me.. what's my subjective experience like right now, and what will it be like if i change things to make them be like i want? this kind of approach doesn't necessarily prescribe actions per se. i think this is the concept people often associate with zen (but not necessarily what zen teachers teach).

crossing the mid-point of this spectrum, a bit on the other side there's the challenging-yourself approach that says you can always do better. you should specifically identify what you're afraid of happening, and identify what sort of actions you're perpetually doing to keep it from happening. then try not doing those actions (which is very scary), staying conscious through it...

far on the "challenging yourself" end of the spectrum, there's picking a goal (based on what you want at some level), and working toward it concretely, like fixing a cabinet. going for what you want. there's obviously a lot of value in this.

i guess it's often easier, and tempting, to go for the endpoints of this spectrum rather than the middle. maybe the middle is like "passionate equanimity".

but, it's interesting that using the endpoint strategies can paradoxically lead us toward the middle strategies. for example, if we've picked a goal, but now we see the thing that's blocking us from getting their is our own attachments and anxiety.

UPDATE (2020 May 14): wiki says this about gandhi and WWII. a nice example of challenging vs accepting.

Gandhi's views came under heavy criticism in Britain when it was under attack from Nazi Germany, and later when the Holocaust was revealed. He told the British people in 1940, "I would like you to lay down the arms you have as being useless for saving you or humanity. You will invite Herr Hitler and Signor Mussolini to take what they want of the countries you call your possessions... If these gentlemen choose to occupy your homes, you will vacate them. If they do not give you free passage out, you will allow yourselves, man, woman, and child, to be slaughtered, but you will refuse to owe allegiance to them." George Orwell remarked that Gandhi's methods confronted 'an old-fashioned and rather shaky despotism which treated him in a fairly chivalrous way', not a totalitarian Power, 'where political opponents simply disappear.'
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahatma_Gandhi

UPDATE (2021 Jan 17): a more concrete personal example of this duality. say i've done something selfish. on one hand, i might rightly regret it and treat myself like a child who needs some loving discipline, forcing myself to move over an energy barrier in order to see some uncomfortable things about myself and how i'm affecting others. on the other hand, i might accept that i was doing the best i could at the time, like maybe i was feeling really anxious and backed into a corner, or i just didn't have the presence of mind to act better at the time.

how do you know when to do each one? should they come in cycles, like heating and cooling? or are they two different ways of looking at the same thing?