monica suggested that overcoming pathologies is the evolutionary process itself

My personal theory is that at some level you "know" what the "right answer" is; and I use quotes there because those words are just rough sketches of the idea ... you know how people say to follow your conscience? I think that's the right idea. Christians talk about opening their heart to Jesus and putting aside their own plans to follow God's plan. I think God, in the cosmic creator sense, is very related to the presence at the center of your being ... it's almost like, if you look deep enough inside yourself, you're actually looking outside yourself and seeing a truth that manifests you and everything around you. That "looking inside yourself" process also seems to be connected to a willingness to acknowledge when your "temporal-self" (i.e. the tangled mess of thoughts that are always trying to benefit themselves by seeking validation and pleasure, and framing your perspective in a way that is favorable to their existance) is contributing to your behavior. For example, if I hold the door open for someone, am I trying to make them think highly of me, or is my motive really selfless? It's very "painful", in a sense, to acknowledge those things (because a part of your "self" that is struggling to validate itself is exposed and dies), but I think it's something we should struggle to do continuously. Then your innermost self, the part that's "the same" as God or the world, is more connected to your actions, and you will always do the Right Thing, because the Right Thing is exactly the principle that is continually making you. In the case of a relationship, I think it's extremely hard, because we care SO much about being validated and loved by other people, so it's a huge challenge to even realize our own motives. But I think a truly good relationship will only come when both people are acting out of non-specific Love (i.e. the Right Thing). Otherwise a relationship is only a transient validation of your temporal-self, like taking cocaine!