newer ideas

Mindfulness. I'm starting to get an idea of what it is. There are times when my normal mindspace gets tangled, usually from outside influence. If a shady-looking man approaches me in the night, my instinct is to forget about being courteous and open. If a beautiful girl passes me on the sidewalk, I become self-promoting. These tangles are like energy sinks. Their presence, even their "memory" or aftereffects, is a burden and a drain. Yet noticing them is exactly what I'm afraid of! What a strange situation. When I pass that girl, I can actually realize what I'm feeling and what I'm doing. This is mindfulness. The only two alternatives are subconsciously damning myself (this is what I usually do, and it leads to loops: I can't think this-wait-I shouldn't have thought that-etc), and actively encouraging my base tendencies (which leads to stagnation). Taking responsibility, being mindful of my state, forces me out of my protective reality-bubble, where things seem to be definable and self-affirming (at least transiently). Is that Emptiness?